Diabetes Prevention Squad
by Shianhygge
Summary: "Your skills include kendo, advanced mathematics, and housework. My skills are cooking, business, and writing." "I think you mean torture, not business." "Same difference." In which two siblings from our world set out on a quest to prevent Gintoki from eating himself into an early diabetic grave. OC Self-insert. Rated M for language and suggestive themes.


**AN: Hello, everyone! This is the first chapter of a few test chapters to judge the interest and opinions of the audience. This is an OC SI story featuring my younger brother and I. I've been really interested in writing something for Gintama, and have also been rewriting a lot of my old stories, too. Please Review to let me know if there are things that need improvement, or just your general opinion on this story. Thank you!**

 **"What I lack in power, I make up for in boobies." -Shianhygge Feb 2018**

"Come on! Work with me here!" There was a repeating sound of clicking throughout the small bedroom as Matsudai Shian glared at the computer screen. The middle child of the Matsudai siblings growled in frustration as she spammed the esc key on her laptop keyboard, hoping by some miracle that the screen would unfreeze and allow her to finish packing her bags.

It had started off as a pleasant day for the Matsudai household given that today would mark the beginning of a long family road trip throughout the United States. The family, made up of five members plus the eldest Matsudai son's girlfriend, had packed the proper necessities the day before, leaving only objects like laptops and chargers to be stored right before departure. But in this regard, we now observe Shian's dilemma. Dressed in comfortable travel attire, with her luggage only a few feet away and her duffelbag already on her shoulder, Shian had been in the middle of packing her electronics into her spare book bag, only for her computer and its extended monitor to freeze while shutting down the movie that the young woman was watching. That movie being "Gintama: Forever Yoruzuya."

There was a knock at the door of her bedroom before the youngest of the Matsudai siblings strolled into his sister's room also carrying his duffelbag. "Onee-san? Are you ready to go? Everyone's waiting downstairs."

Shian huffed in frustration, gesturing wildly to the computer-

No…. No no no no no. NO!

I can't do this. It's borderline uncomfortable recounting events as is, but to do it in this style and narrative voice? The more I write in that expressionless monotone point of view, the more bored I'll get, and the more this story will suffer from lazy writing. Perhaps the way I went about this was similar to a narrator that I held in high regards, but to quote him, detailing and explaining every single action that I and many others performed in carefully phrased sentences does not suit my purposes. While I am hesitant to place a label on these notes, I am certain that this is not a report, nor is it a novel. And because it doesn't follow the usual trend in narrative that most literary pieces use, then I can assume that the way I go about telling this extraordinary and unreal tale is, therefore, the only correct one.

But anyways, let us begin again.

I shot my younger brother, Kotetsu, an exasperated stare before pointing at my laptop accusingly. "It froze just as I was about to disconnect it from the TV."

Kotetsu sighed before lazily strolling over to my laptop and… unplugged the display cable. I stared in disbelief as the computer screen reset and fixed itself after a few moments of darkness. It was difficult to ignore the smug and unimpressed expression on my younger brother's face as if to say, _Did you really find that difficult?_

Although the TV monitor was still frozen, that could have easily been fixed by shutting the power to the screen. But to think that I had been freaking out when the solution had been so simple… it made me physically recoil from my desk to lean against my bed.

While normally impassive as fuck, Kotetsu couldn't help the snicker that escaped his mouth, no doubt finding my shocked expression hilarious. "You were being a drama queen again, Onee-san."

Almost immediately, my hand clamped down on the first thing it could find (which just so happened to be my fox plush toy), and hurled it with great accuracy at Kotetsu. It didn't take much to dodge my throw, what with it lacking any sort of power, but when I expected the toy to hit the TV and bounce back onto the desk, it did something different. To both my and Kotetsu's wonder, the toy soared through the TV.

The pair of us stared at the TV in wonder, standing at complete attention. On the outside, we both seemed relatively calm, though befuddled. But on the inside, I was freaking out.

 _HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK? DID THAT JUST HAPPEN? WAS MY TV THE ELECTRONIC EQUIVALENT OF A WARDROBE TO NARNIA? NO. NONONONONOOOOO. WHAT THE HELL? IS THIS PERSONA 4? DID I JUST UNLEASH A PORTAL TO THE TV WORLD? WAIT BUT KURAMA JUST FLEW INTO THE TV!... NOOO! KURAMA FLEW INTO THE TV!_

At the realization that my precious toy had flown into the TV, I practically flew across my bedroom and started to fiddle with the TV, peering behind the mass of it as if expecting my plush toy to have gone through and appeared on the other side. But when that came up with zero results, I started to fervently smack my palms against the sides of the 32 inch TV. "GIVE ME BACK MY KURAMA!" _*smack_ "What is this WITCHCRAFT? I WANT KURAMA BACK! GIVE IT BACK!" _*smack *smack_

"Sis! You should probably stop smacking the TV!" Kotetsu yelped, attempting to restrain my violence by dragging me backwards from the TV, only to end up with my flailing body being lifted up in the air from both of our struggles. "Mom will murder you if you break the TV! STOP!"

A loud smack sounded throughout the room as my leg made contact with the TV screen, and suddenly, I felt a jolt of electricity strike through my body and into Kotetsu, who tensed at the sting. The both of us collapsed to the floor in spasms, our vision seeming to blink on and off. I couldn't see the look on Kotetsu's face, but I would imagine that it had " _This is all your fault"_ written all over it.

Once the shocks had faded, and our vision had cleared up, I bolted to sit in an upright position with side eyes. "Well at least we're not dead." I mused, turning to look at Kotetsu, only to notice that I was sitting upright on the floor and faded through a body. "Huh." I stared, unfazed until I got a better look at the body's face. I let out a piercing scream as I stood and backed away from the body… _my body._ "HOLY FUCK I'M SO DEAD! THAT'S MY FUCKING CORPSE AND I'M A GHOST! THIS ISN'T PERSONA 4 ANYMORE, IT'S LIKE YU YU HAKUSHO DAMN IT!"

"Urgh. You're so loud." At Kotetsu's complaint, my head snapped to look at my younger brother, only to find that he too, was sitting up from his corpse.

"ARGH! I'VE KILLED US BOTH!" I screamed, lamenting the end of our young lives. Tears threatened to block my vision as I sniffled, "I-I killed my little brother." Yes, I would have been fine knowing that I died, but to know that I got my little brother killed as well? "I'M THE WORST BIG SISTER IN THE WORLD!" I sobbed, collapsing to my knees in horror. "I'm sorry, Otouto. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

"Uh. Sis?"

"You were just about to finish your first year of college. But I've taken that away from you!"

"Nee-san?"

"AND WITH A SPOT ON THE DEAN'S LIST! YOU HAD SUCH A BRIGHT FUTURE!"

"O-Onee-san!"

"I'll understand if you hate me forever and become a Hollow to seek your revenge against your terrible big sister."

"ONEE-SAN!" Kotetsu screamed in panic, drawing me from my depressed rant to stare as _our bodies woke up and started to move._ "I don't think corpses are supposed to do that."

No they weren't. Kotetsu and I watched as our bodies started to talk to one another as if they'd simply fallen from the scuffle, laughing at each other's jokes as my body went about packing the laptop before grabbing my luggage and leaving the room, shutting the room light as they left. In our shock, Kotetsu and I made to follow our bodies outside of the room, only to slam into an invisible wall at the threshold of the room.

"Oof!" was the noise that left my mouth the minute I came into contact with the wall. It was also the noise that Kotetsu made when his shoulder came into contact with my bookshelf.

Blinking in confusion, the pair of us were forced to simply remain in my room as the noises of our family and bodies evacuating the house rose to a crecento and then immediately halted with the final slam of the front door. Outside of the house, we heard the tell tale sounds of an RV starting and driving out of the driveway.

It was only when the noises had all ceased, and we were thrown into silence, did Kotetsu and I find the nerve to move or to even speak.

"T-that wasn't us." I whimpered in shock at witnessing my own body walk away without me.

Beside me, Kotetsu nodded. "Yeah."

"K-kotetsu… That wasn't US." I repeated, blatantly horrified.

"No they weren't."

"Our bodies… left… but THEY WEREN'T US." my hands flew up to grip my hair in further horror. "We… our bodies were snatched from us."

"... let's not come to any hasty conclusions, Onee-san. Though that seems like the only explanation." Kotetsu tried to reason, hands held up in a placating manner.

At this point though, I was beyond reason, pacing in a tight circle. "W-what do we do? I mean, are we stuck here? Until our bodies come back? Are we dead? How come they didn't see us? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

By this time, however, the TV decided to be a dick and act up again, coming back to life with a screech and blinding white light. Blinded from being so close to the TV, I didn't see the silver chains that flew out of the monitor until they were wrapped around my waist firmly. Kotetsu, for all his ability to keep a straight face in the most distressing of situations, looked panicked as the chains started to yank me towards the TV.

"HOLY SHIT, SIS!" My little brother shot forward to pull at my outstretched arms, trying to free me from the chains. "HOLD ON! I'LL GET YOU FREE! I WON'T LET YOU GET TAKEN!"

 **Free? From what? Taken? From where?**

The screech from the TV seemed to form these words as we struggled. And at the time, I hadn't paid much attention to its words.

 **You no longer have a place in this world. If you stay here, you will disappear.**

"ARGHHHH DAMMIT! IT WON'T LET GO!" Kotetsu cried out in frustration, though he still held onto my arms.

My foot had already been sucked through the TV, but at the breeze on the other side, my brain started to form various scenarios. "Kotetsu, grab our duffelbags." (Because for some reason, our duffelbags had remained).

"What? WHY?" Kotetsu had an 'are you crazy' expression plastered on his face.

"There's another side to this portal, and neither of us are strong enough to resist this damned chain." I grumbled, pointing down at the chains still dragging me through. "And I'm already halfway through, so you're coming with me whether you like it or not!"

And although Kotetsu had picked up our bags, he still protested the logic of our situation. "This is insane!"

"I'M DAMN WELL AWARE, KOTETSU!" I snarled when the chain gave another harsh yank. "NOW GRAB ONTO MY HAND, OR YOU'LL BE STUCK HERE WITHOUT ME!" I screamed reaching out for my brother's hand as the chains started to pull harder.

Kotetsu had just barely grabbed onto my hand before the chains gave a final tug and pulled me completely through, dragging Kotetsu and our bags along, before my room was once again plunged into silent darkness.


End file.
